My husband read this scripture to me this week as I was teary, in his arms. I had an abnormal mammogram and normal ultrasound in August of 2007. My six month follow up mammogram is concerning to the specialist so we are going for further studies. There are possibilities that it is purely a lymph node, but the possibilities of other diagnosis are very scarey for me.
I am not scared if the Lord calls me home. For goodness sake, it is HOME! If we had a clue at what home is, we would be begging to leave this place. I have felt worried and tearful over my first brush with the fact that my days are truly numbered. You see, I homeschool our 4 kids ages 6-11 and I am amazed at how I see the Lord influencing their lives. I love that I am a part of it. I love that I get the priviledge of being a conduit of His love and passion for their growth and realization of their callings. I believe they have callings on their lives. I see their potentials and I selfishly want to be involved in watching these masterpieces take shape. When it all comes down to it, they don't NEED me. They NEED Jesus. He will sustain them. He will help them reach their potential better than I ever could.
So I have rested in the fact that He promises:
Psalm 34:17-18 (New International Version)
17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.
18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
As I have let myself feel the grief and explore the what ifs to a point, I have allowed myself to be real with him. He has ministered to my soul. He has brought peace that passes all understanding. My faith is increased and I can say I am okay with whatever you decide Lord. We will walk it together. I am getting together with some dear friends as well, praying for complete healing and trusting that God can choose to do it in a moment.
Last night we watched a special on the Shrowd of Turin on PBS. They explained new discoveries about various aspects of it, linking it to the time of Christ. Our kids were truly in awe. It is an amazing opportunity to walk this life knowing one like Christ has not only given His life, but conquered death. As Good Friday is tomorrow, I am tremendously thankful for His sacrifice and victory as he conquered death. Read the scriptures for yourself. His love letter will blow your mind!
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Saturday, March 8, 2008
"With God we will gain the victory" Psalm 60:...
Today is a day with a host of mixed feelings. I celebrate victory, because Glory be to God, I was successful at staying faithful in my 30 day fast. I tell you the truth, I have NEVER had victory like this before. I continue to walk in freedom in this area of my life by God's grace. I have an inner peace that has taken up residence and is allowing me to be myself like never before. There is a room in my heart that has been cleaned out, renovated, furnished by the Holy Spirit who has designed warm, bright, and cheerful colors and textures. A fresh, warm, spring breeze blows tenderly through the light, sheer, curtains. Natural light abounds in this room. It is a wonderful sanctuary of rest and rejuvination.
Juxtaposed to that is a heart of grief, a dear friend in my life lost her husband this past Sunday to brain cancer. He left a wife and 5 children between the ages of 7-16 to walk this next season without him. The memorial service was today, celebrating his life, the confidence we have of his place in Heaven, but being real about the pain of his abscence. I consider the daunting task of raising 5 alone and I pray that God will be her strength like never before. The scriptures regarding holding fast come back to the surface of my mind. I picture the disciples on their boat in the raging waters on the Sea of Galilee, holding on for dear life while Christ slept. How quickly he calmed the storms with a word. Be still.
Lord, today I will be still. I will reflect on your sovereignty. I will embrace that you are trustworthy at all times. I will hold fast Lord. Thank you that sometimes you allow us to weather a storm with you and yet promise it won't consume us. Thank you dear Father.
Praying these scriptures today:
1 John 5:3-5 (New International Version)
3This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, 4for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. 5Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.
Isaiah 43
1 But now, O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you. O Israel, the one who formed you says, “Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. 2 When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.
Daniel 2:19-23 (New International Version)
19 During the night the mystery was revealed to Daniel in a vision. Then Daniel praised the God of heaven 20 and said: "Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever; wisdom and power are his. 21 He changes times and seasons; he sets up kings and deposes them. He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning. 22 He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what lies in darkness, and light dwells with him. 23 I thank and praise you, O God of my fathers: You have given me wisdom and power, you have made known to me what we asked of you, you have made known to us the dream of the king."
Juxtaposed to that is a heart of grief, a dear friend in my life lost her husband this past Sunday to brain cancer. He left a wife and 5 children between the ages of 7-16 to walk this next season without him. The memorial service was today, celebrating his life, the confidence we have of his place in Heaven, but being real about the pain of his abscence. I consider the daunting task of raising 5 alone and I pray that God will be her strength like never before. The scriptures regarding holding fast come back to the surface of my mind. I picture the disciples on their boat in the raging waters on the Sea of Galilee, holding on for dear life while Christ slept. How quickly he calmed the storms with a word. Be still.
Lord, today I will be still. I will reflect on your sovereignty. I will embrace that you are trustworthy at all times. I will hold fast Lord. Thank you that sometimes you allow us to weather a storm with you and yet promise it won't consume us. Thank you dear Father.
Praying these scriptures today:
1 John 5:3-5 (New International Version)
3This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, 4for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. 5Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.
Isaiah 43
1 But now, O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you. O Israel, the one who formed you says, “Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. 2 When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.
Daniel 2:19-23 (New International Version)
19 During the night the mystery was revealed to Daniel in a vision. Then Daniel praised the God of heaven 20 and said: "Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever; wisdom and power are his. 21 He changes times and seasons; he sets up kings and deposes them. He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning. 22 He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what lies in darkness, and light dwells with him. 23 I thank and praise you, O God of my fathers: You have given me wisdom and power, you have made known to me what we asked of you, you have made known to us the dream of the king."
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