My husband read this scripture to me this week as I was teary, in his arms. I had an abnormal mammogram and normal ultrasound in August of 2007. My six month follow up mammogram is concerning to the specialist so we are going for further studies. There are possibilities that it is purely a lymph node, but the possibilities of other diagnosis are very scarey for me.
I am not scared if the Lord calls me home. For goodness sake, it is HOME! If we had a clue at what home is, we would be begging to leave this place. I have felt worried and tearful over my first brush with the fact that my days are truly numbered. You see, I homeschool our 4 kids ages 6-11 and I am amazed at how I see the Lord influencing their lives. I love that I am a part of it. I love that I get the priviledge of being a conduit of His love and passion for their growth and realization of their callings. I believe they have callings on their lives. I see their potentials and I selfishly want to be involved in watching these masterpieces take shape. When it all comes down to it, they don't NEED me. They NEED Jesus. He will sustain them. He will help them reach their potential better than I ever could.
So I have rested in the fact that He promises:
Psalm 34:17-18 (New International Version)
17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.
18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
As I have let myself feel the grief and explore the what ifs to a point, I have allowed myself to be real with him. He has ministered to my soul. He has brought peace that passes all understanding. My faith is increased and I can say I am okay with whatever you decide Lord. We will walk it together. I am getting together with some dear friends as well, praying for complete healing and trusting that God can choose to do it in a moment.
Last night we watched a special on the Shrowd of Turin on PBS. They explained new discoveries about various aspects of it, linking it to the time of Christ. Our kids were truly in awe. It is an amazing opportunity to walk this life knowing one like Christ has not only given His life, but conquered death. As Good Friday is tomorrow, I am tremendously thankful for His sacrifice and victory as he conquered death. Read the scriptures for yourself. His love letter will blow your mind!
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