Jeremiah 6:16
This is what the LORD says: "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls. "
Today is Day 19 of this fast for me. I am trying to log all that the Lord has shown me in the past 19 days and I can't fit it into my mind succinctly enought to include it all here. I surrender to the Spirit's leading for the biggest stuff. I have never walked in complete victory this long. All I can say is to God be the Glory. There is no way that all this could be on me. Sure, I have eeked it out with sheer will power in the past, but it has been with white knuckles, clenched jaw, and a very tight back. Today, I write with peace and contentment that is so deep, I feel as if I am truly resting for the first time in my life. I am not even thinking about what comes next... sometimes (which is huge).
I have been reading this book about codependence and realized how many qualities I had that alligned with the codependent lifestyle. I believe God has used this to reveal the circuit Satan has used for so long in my life. I don't know how many times I have said to dear friends, "I am ready to get off this track... Done a few too many laps around this one..." I see how the cycle lead me to an unhealthy outlet that supported the notion to serve and sacrifice for others without regard for considering my own needs. I had somehow misinterpreted the scripture to "love your neighbor as yourself" meant to serve others first because they are more valuable. It didn't sink in until about a week ago that I was supposed to take the time to love myself before I stepped out in serving. I wonder how many others are out there that have the "wool" pulled over their eyes.
As I have asked Jesus to show me how to love myself, he has been so gracious. He has been working on this for at least 10 years, slowly, gently revealing His love for me. It has blown my mind so many times. At times, I have received it in confusion, with detached feelings. Other times His grace has won out and He has seared through the dead weight of baggage and gone right to my core. Please hear me, He has been a gentleman the entire time. Revelations 3:20 states, "... I stand at the door and knock". You see God has never forced Himself on us. It wouldn't be pure love if we were puppets and didn't have an element of choice in the matter. But He loves us so much that He continues to pursue intimacy with us, inspite of our sinful hearts. The God of the universe, who could have done it any way He wanted, knew His just heart couldn't look on sin with grace, so He provided His sacrificial lamb once and for all. The curtain was torn in the temple and we were invited in. Not only to have a conversation, but to believe and gain salvation. To be sealed with the Spirit and become a coheir with Christ. To have everything that was available to Jesus while he walked on this Earth available to us.
So if that is the case why does it take so long for victory? I may never know all the details this side of Heaven, but I do know this. If God is graciously granting me permanent freedom for such a time as this... For every day I have agonized, cried, felt isolated, ashamed and defeated; there is a story of His work, His story of a "crown of beauty instead of ashes", His redemption in spite of Satan's ploy for my demise, an opportunity for His radiant glory to be revealed and for an intimate relationship for me with the creator of the universe.
Because of the blood of Christ and the power of the Spirit, I will hold fast. I will stand firm. I will stand up and be counted Lord. I stand with the helmet of Salvation, the breastplate of righteousness, the belt of truth, the shoes of peace, the shield of faith and the sword of your word. They may feel like they are 10 sizes to big Lord and intimidate me as they rattle when I move. .. You are my Jehovah Nissi Lord, you go before me and you come behind me. You hem me in from all sides and your banner over me is love. Glory to your name oh Father. Glory to the name of Jesus Christ!
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Friday, February 15, 2008
Holding Fast
This past week I was doing a devotional with my kids when the Lord gave me great encouragement through Daniel. In Chapter One of the book of Daniel, it reveals how Daniel listened to the conviction of the Spirit to abstain from parts of a lifestyle had been designed for him.
He had been taken prisoner by Nebuchanezzer along with 49 other top ranking Jewish young men after Babylon had taken over the Jewish land. First Nebuchanezzar ordered that they be made Eunichs to remove their strength, then he proceeded to educate them for 3 years to try to indoctrinate them into the Babylonian culture. He brought them near to his rule to keep close watch over them, but also in an attempt to win these young leaders over to embrace his rule. He gave them new names, new identities and fed them the finest fare of the civilization.
God reminded me of truths, that as Daniel felt conviction and obeyed the Spirit's leading to go against the grain and say no to food that had been offered as sacrifices to other Gods, God blessed Him with favor, strength, and further gifts of the Spirit (to have and interpret prophetic dreams). Isn't it amazing how difficult it feels to go against the tide of our culture - to stand up and be counted? As I go against the tide of the culture of my own heart and lifestyle during this fast I hold onto the promises that I will reap the blessings of obedience. They look different for every person and circumstance, but they will come. One of the blessings for me is to see how personal God is to specifically encourage me to hold fast to Him.
Give the Lord an opportunity, ask Him to reveal Himself to you. Jesus Christ has made a way for each of us and He longs to draw near. Be watching, if you ask Jesus to show Himself to you, you won't be disappointed.
He had been taken prisoner by Nebuchanezzer along with 49 other top ranking Jewish young men after Babylon had taken over the Jewish land. First Nebuchanezzar ordered that they be made Eunichs to remove their strength, then he proceeded to educate them for 3 years to try to indoctrinate them into the Babylonian culture. He brought them near to his rule to keep close watch over them, but also in an attempt to win these young leaders over to embrace his rule. He gave them new names, new identities and fed them the finest fare of the civilization.
God reminded me of truths, that as Daniel felt conviction and obeyed the Spirit's leading to go against the grain and say no to food that had been offered as sacrifices to other Gods, God blessed Him with favor, strength, and further gifts of the Spirit (to have and interpret prophetic dreams). Isn't it amazing how difficult it feels to go against the tide of our culture - to stand up and be counted? As I go against the tide of the culture of my own heart and lifestyle during this fast I hold onto the promises that I will reap the blessings of obedience. They look different for every person and circumstance, but they will come. One of the blessings for me is to see how personal God is to specifically encourage me to hold fast to Him.
Give the Lord an opportunity, ask Him to reveal Himself to you. Jesus Christ has made a way for each of us and He longs to draw near. Be watching, if you ask Jesus to show Himself to you, you won't be disappointed.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
The beginning...
I need to come clean about how this blog got started. I was reading another blog and wanted to respond and thought I had to have my own blog to do so. I can't imagine that anyone would really be interested in anything I have to say, but as I worshipped this morning I felt I needed to write some things down that I am 'wading through' as a testimony to why I wrote the things I did below my picture. If it encourages anyone who would ever visit this site so be it. To Him be the glory.
I have hit a road block in my spiritual life. This invades every part of me, as the Spirit has been given license to have every part of me. I have been dealing with a particular issue since I was about 8 and I can't shake it. I have done multiple bible studies by various people who have found victory in so many areas. I too have found victory. I set out to find victory in Subject A only to find victory in Subjects B, C, D.... Thank the Lord He knows what He is doing.
I have felt the Spirit whispering "fast" in my ear. I have fasted before, but I say, "Really? Are you sure?" So this morning I spent time in The Word and as I was researching fast, the Lord opened my eyes to so much more. I will list some of the scriptures here:
Deuteronomy 10:20
Listen to this passage
20 Fear the LORD your God and serve him. Hold fast to him and take your oaths in his name.
Deuteronomy 11:22
Listen to this passage
22 If you carefully observe all these commands I am giving you to follow—to love the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways and to hold fast to him-
Deuteronomy 13:4
Listen to this passage
4 It is the LORD your God you must follow, and him you must revere. Keep his commands and obey him; serve him and hold fast to him.
Deuteronomy 30:19-20
Listen to this passage
19 This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live 20 and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.
Psalm 119:28-32
Listen to this passage
28 My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.
29 Keep me from deceitful ways; be gracious to me through your law.
30 I have chosen the way of truth; I have set my heart on your laws.
31 I hold fast to your statutes, O LORD; do not let me be put to shame.
32 I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free.
It is so uncomfortable to be stretched. It can feel miserable to face the destruction that the world has to offer in relationships, health, personal wounds, circumstances, finances. I have truly found that when I am at my end that is when the LORD gets to begin. He just wants my surrender. He wants me to trust Him with all that I am. Everything I have experienced and read in His Word is that He truly is faithful and will be a gentleman with my emotions, heart, life... He has redeemed so much in my life! I will choose to hold fast to Him for this victory. I leave with this song. It may sound macabe, but I truly want this played/sang at my funeral because it is my life song.
It is sung by Darlene Zschech with Hillsong worship if it ministers to you.
I will bless the Lord forever
I will trust him at all times
He has delivered me from all fears
He has set my feet upon a rock
And I will not be moved
And I'll say to the Lord,
"You are my shield, my strength
My portion, deliverer, my shelter, strong tower
My very present help in time of need"
Who have I in heaven but You?
There's none I desire beside You.
You have made me glad,
And I'll say to the Lord,
"You are my shield, my strength
My portion, deliverer, my shelter, strong tower
My very present help in time of need"
Because I live in His undeserved grace from the time He conceived me in His mind for all eternity, I am a mark of His Mercy for Eternity....
I have hit a road block in my spiritual life. This invades every part of me, as the Spirit has been given license to have every part of me. I have been dealing with a particular issue since I was about 8 and I can't shake it. I have done multiple bible studies by various people who have found victory in so many areas. I too have found victory. I set out to find victory in Subject A only to find victory in Subjects B, C, D.... Thank the Lord He knows what He is doing.
I have felt the Spirit whispering "fast" in my ear. I have fasted before, but I say, "Really? Are you sure?" So this morning I spent time in The Word and as I was researching fast, the Lord opened my eyes to so much more. I will list some of the scriptures here:
Deuteronomy 10:20
Listen to this passage
20 Fear the LORD your God and serve him. Hold fast to him and take your oaths in his name.
Deuteronomy 11:22
Listen to this passage
22 If you carefully observe all these commands I am giving you to follow—to love the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways and to hold fast to him-
Deuteronomy 13:4
Listen to this passage
4 It is the LORD your God you must follow, and him you must revere. Keep his commands and obey him; serve him and hold fast to him.
Deuteronomy 30:19-20
Listen to this passage
19 This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live 20 and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.
Psalm 119:28-32
Listen to this passage
28 My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.
29 Keep me from deceitful ways; be gracious to me through your law.
30 I have chosen the way of truth; I have set my heart on your laws.
31 I hold fast to your statutes, O LORD; do not let me be put to shame.
32 I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free.
It is so uncomfortable to be stretched. It can feel miserable to face the destruction that the world has to offer in relationships, health, personal wounds, circumstances, finances. I have truly found that when I am at my end that is when the LORD gets to begin. He just wants my surrender. He wants me to trust Him with all that I am. Everything I have experienced and read in His Word is that He truly is faithful and will be a gentleman with my emotions, heart, life... He has redeemed so much in my life! I will choose to hold fast to Him for this victory. I leave with this song. It may sound macabe, but I truly want this played/sang at my funeral because it is my life song.
It is sung by Darlene Zschech with Hillsong worship if it ministers to you.
I will bless the Lord forever
I will trust him at all times
He has delivered me from all fears
He has set my feet upon a rock
And I will not be moved
And I'll say to the Lord,
"You are my shield, my strength
My portion, deliverer, my shelter, strong tower
My very present help in time of need"
Who have I in heaven but You?
There's none I desire beside You.
You have made me glad,
And I'll say to the Lord,
"You are my shield, my strength
My portion, deliverer, my shelter, strong tower
My very present help in time of need"
Because I live in His undeserved grace from the time He conceived me in His mind for all eternity, I am a mark of His Mercy for Eternity....
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